El Grinch soy yo: 6 razones para odiar la navidad

Cada año es la misma cosa. Llegan las fiestas decembrinas y con ellas la apatía que pocas personas comprenden. Hace mucho que no disfruto la navidad como antes. Siento melancolía, hastío y- por momentos- cansancio. Claro que es sanador ver a la familia y abrazar a los amigos. Me gusta la navidad como un pretexto para eso, pero si tuviera que escoger diría que siempre he preferido el Día de Muertos.

Este 2018 enlisté todo lo que odio de la navidad para desahogarme. Así cada que me cuestionen por qué no quiero participar los remitiré a esta entrada de blog.

Uno. Compras innecesarias y obligatorias: esta es la peor parte. Cuando eres adulto ya no esperas a Santa Clós. ERES Santa Clós.  Y no importa si te gusta o no lo que ves, sabes que tienes el compromiso de regalarle a las personas que amas. ¿Qué clase de individuo serías sin entusiasmo en navidad? Hacemos filas interminables, compramos cosas con la sensación de que ni le va a gustar a la otra persona, regresamos a casa endeudados y con dolor en los pies. Hay tráfico, furia y estrés. Pero eso sí, pasas horas  en las tiendas escuchando el mismo disco meloso de villancicos. Odiando al resto de la humanidad.

(Nota al pie: me ENCANTA esa película mexicana de Santa Clós)

Dos. Intercambios lamentables: ¿Qué pasa con las personas que evidencian qué tan miserables son en los intercambios? ¿Es un tema de carácter? ¿Una postura frente a la vida? Todos regalamos lo que podemos, eso es cierto. Pero este tipo de espécimen, generalmente anidado en oficinas tradicionales, actúa sin importar rangos de precio establecidos. Es indistintamente mezquino. Lleva cosas usadas, feas, descompuestas. No le importa el sentimiento de desazón que provocarán al pobre desgraciado que reciba la mierda mal envuelta con la que llegaron a la posada (Saludos al idiota de mi oficina que este año entregó un condón usado pensando que sería super gracioso. Saludos. Escribí este punto para ti).

Tres. Dinámicas de grupo: Bien, espero ser clara. No me gusta hacer cosas que no quiero hacer: la presión social no funciona conmigo. No quiero pegarle a la piñata. No quiero jugar juegos de mesa. No me interesa quedar bien con la visita.

La navidad se siente como una prisión en la que hay que cumplir las expectativas de mucha gente (que a veces ni te cae bien). Ha perdido el sentido de amor y agradecimiento para convertirse en una fiesta de simulación con estándares bien definidos.

Cuatro. El frío de porquería: La belleza de las posadas se desvanece lentamente cuando lo único en lo que puedes pensar es en que te mueres de frío. Ni el ponche, ni los peregrinos más decididos, pueden contra eso. Los amantes del frío dirán que se resuelve con más capas de ropa, yo opino que nos vemos como retrato: tapados, tullidos, con el mismo abrigo de siempre. ¿O soy solo yo?

Quinto. Gordura: ¿Por qué celebramos con ilusión fechas de las que sabemos que nos vamos a arrepentir? Los gimnasios están atiborrados en enero por una buena razón: la culpa. Es como si uno de los fantasmas de la navidad de Scrooge se apoderara de nuestro cuerpo para devorar todo lo que se nos atraviesa. ¿Y si intentas estar a dieta? Imposible. Existe una conspiración para alentarte a probar de todo y señalarte después por ser incapaz de mantener tu peso. ¡Ah!, malditos y alabados sean los placeres de la carne (literal y metafóricamente).

Sexto. Adiós, dinero: no hay aguinaldo que alcance para aliviar lo que todos sabemos que nos espera en enero. No importa qué tan medidos creamos que fuimos con las compras. El único milagro navideño que importa es comenzar el año con el dinero suficiente para pagar las tarjetas de crédito. Brindemos por un año nuevo en el que nos sentimos con la soga al cuello. Brindemos por 10 nuevos propósitos que nunca cumpliremos. Comienzan las quejas y el resentimiento.

Todo es risas y diversión hasta que llega tu estado de cuenta. Así que feliz navidad, amigos. Sigan deslizando sus tarjetas.

*Los textos de la Nebulosa del Cangrejo son contenido original de Anabel Casillas (Twitter: @DimeChascona).

210 Comments

  1. Rositts
    December 21, 2018

    Yo por eso mejor hago los regalos y me compro varios abrigos. Ah, y no entro a intercambios con gente random jaja

  2. Maria Guadalupe Orozco González
    December 22, 2018

    Anabel:
    Estoy totalmente de acuerdo contigo.
    Desde que mis hijos dejaron de ser niños…sobrevivo a la Navidad.
    Hay personas a quienes me gusta ver y es en estas fechas cuando nos procuramos…es un pretexto muy bueno…pero odio trasladarme en la ciudad que se convierte en un caos vial e cuanto comienza diciembre.
    Hemos comprado muy bien el consumismo gringo…y también opino que deben desaparecer los intercambios.
    ¡A cuidar las tarjetas!
    Y a encerrarse en casa y no pasar fríos.

  3. LuisssM
    January 5, 2019

    Eata
    Publicación tiene brillo propio.
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    Sigue escribiento.
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